CONTENTi BLOG

Ashwani Agarwal wants to keep up with you on Twitter

2009-10-18T05:52:00.001-07:00

Ashwani Agarwal wants to keep up with you on Twitter

To find out more about Twitter visit http://twitter.com/i/a4ac3ac3e3ee56935579c10325551f603da4aa42

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— The Twitter Team

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Evolution Of Man

2009-06-20T21:45:00.000-07:00

Shadi k pehle : i love u
Shadi k baad : aaj phir alu?

Shadi k pehle : Hero no1
Shadi k baad: coolie no1

Shadi k pehle : mein ne piyar kiya
Shadi k baad : ye mein ne kiya kiya?

Shadi k pehle : janeman mut jao,
Shadi k baad : jaan mut khao

Shaadi k pehle : tum bin raha na jay
Shaadi k baad : tum ko saha na jay

Shadi k pehle : kuch to bolo
Shadi k baad : kabhi chup bhi ho jaya karo.

Shadi k pehle : tum kab aaogi?
Shadi k baad : mayke kab jaogi?

............ ......... ......... ........

Sardar ji to his friend: Yar bari mushkil main hoon meri bivi mujh say
aik kiss ka 100 RS laiti hay .....

Friend: acha, yar to bara lucky hay doosron say to wo 500rs laiti hay.

............ ......... ......... ........

A sardar was running with his pregnant wife, who was about to deliver,
when another sardar asked him, "O pernam singh, oye moti nu ais haal
vitch le ke kithey puj rya vain,"

Pernam singh replied, "assi Pizza hut chaley aan, sunya aa othey free
delivery hondi aaa."

............ ......... ......... .........

Fastest Thing In The World

2009-06-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One common
question was asked to all 4 of them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light

HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in
your mind.

MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the
worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON
THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!

BOLO TARA RA RA HOYE.....

Just A MOM

2009-06-15T06:27:00.001-07:00

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office,
was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is, " explained the recorder,
"do you have a job or are you just a ...?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.

"I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation,
'housewife' covers it,"
Said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself
in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised,
efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like,
"Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed..

What made me say it? I do not know.
The words simply popped out..
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in mid air and
looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest,
"just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
"I have a continuing program of research,
(what mother doesn't)
In the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
and already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the human ties,
(any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers
and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more
distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."
Motherhood!

What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers
"Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and
Human Relations"
And great grandmothers
"Executive Senior Research Associates?"
I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts

"Associate Research Assistants."

Please send this to another Mom,
Grandmother,
Aunt,
And other friends you know.

May your troubles be less,
Your blessing be more,
And nothing but happiness come through your door!

Different Thinking For TAJ MAHAL (HIDNi)

2009-06-15T06:24:00.001-07:00

As a Bachelor

Takdir Hai, Magar Kismat Nahi Khulti

Tajmahal Banana Chahata Hoon

Lekin Mumtaz Nahi Milti!

As A Lover

Takdir Hai, Magar Kismat Nahi Khulti

Tajmahal Banana Chahata Hoon,

Mumtaz Mil Gayi Hai Magar

Woh Shaadi Nahi Karti

As A Married One

Takdir Hai, Magar Kismat Nahi Khulti

Tajmahal Banana Chahata Hoon

Lekin Mumtaz Nahi Marti

After 5 years of Marriage

Tajmahal Kya Cheez Hai,

Isse Badi Imarat Banaunga,

Mumtaz To Marke Dafan Hui Thi,

Tuzhe To Mein Zinda Dafnaunga

I Love This Doctor

2009-06-10T05:16:00.000-07:00

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life;
is this true? !
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise.. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting
more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best! feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather
to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other
- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO,
What a Ride'

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Mix Jokes (Again Huge) (Hindi)

2009-06-06T04:17:00.000-07:00

************ ********* ********* **

Hum hum hi, tum tum ho,

Na tum kam ho, na hum kam hai,

To kis baat ka gam hai, SMS bhejte raho,

Tabhi to lagega ki mobile me dam hai.

************ ********* ********* **

Ishwar kare har din...

Apki khushiya petrol ke bhav ki tarah bade,

Aur gam bipasha ke kapdo ki tarah kam ho,

Have a nice time.

************ ********* ********* **

Is 'Dil' mein dekho tasveer tumhaari hai,

In 'aakhon' main dekho tasveer tumhaari hai,

Jee rahe hai ab tak aapki marjee se,

Lekin yah maut 'amanat' tumhaari hai.

************ ********* ********* **

Is pathar ki duniya mein,

Aksar dil tut jaya karte hai...

Aakhen bhi sambhalkar band karna,

Mere dost palkon ke beech bhi,

Sapne tut jaya karte hai.

************ ********* ********* **

Intzaar rahta hai har sham tera,

Raate katati hai le-lekar naam tera,

Muddat se baitha hu ye aas paale,

Kal aayega koi paigaam tera.

************ ********* ********* **

Ajab yah duniya hai, ajab yaha dastur hai...

Dil mein to base ho, magar aakhon se dur ho.

************ ********* ********* **

Apki chaal mor jaisi, awaaz koyal jaisi,

Dimaag lomdi jaisa, aakhen hiran jaisi,

Lekin kitna achha hota,

Agar 2-3 quality insano jaisi bhi hoti.

************ ********* ********* **

Dil diya aitbaar ki had thi,

Pyar kiya mere pyar ki had thi,

Mar gaya lekin khuli rahi aankhe,

Ye mere intzaar ki had thi.

************ ********* ********* **

Ek zara-si bhul khata ban gaye,

Dil liya aur khelkar tod diya,

Hamari jaan gaye unki ada ban gaye.

************ ********* ********* **

E Dost! jab bhi tu udaas hoga,

Mera khyaal tere paas hoga,

Dil ki gahraaiyon se jab bhi karoge yaad hame,

Tumhe hamare karib hone ka ahsaas hoga.

************ ********* ********* **

Baate karke bhula na dena, fasaane banake mita na dena,

Na de sako yaari to gam nahi,

Par dost bane ho to beech raaste mein chod na dena.

************ ********* ********* **

Dil do ek ko vo bhi kisi nek ko,

Yah parsaad nahi hai,

Jo baata jaaye har ek ko...samjhe!

************ ********* ********* **

Duriya bahut hai par itna samajh lo,

Ki paas rahkar bhi koi rishta khaas nahi hota,

Tum dil ke paas itne ho ki,

Duriyon ka ahsaas nahi hota.

************ ********* ********* **

Dil lagata nahi hai ab tumhare bina,

Khamosh-se rahne lage hai hum tumhare bina,

Jaldi laut aao ab yahi chah hai hamari,

Varna je na sakege hum tumhare bina.

************ ********* ********* **

Dil armaano se houseful hai,

Poore hoge ya nahi ye doubtful hai,

Is duniya mein har cheej wonderful hai,

Par khali haath jana ye kudrat ka rule hai.

************ ********* ********* **

Inkaar vo karte hai ikraar ke liye,

Nafrat bhi karte hai to pyar ke kiye,

Utni hi chaal chalte hai ishq karne wale,

Aakhon ko band karte hai deedar ke liye.

************ ********* ********* **

Aaj vo hamse kuch khafa lagte hai,

Khafa hoke kitne pyare hamare hamanva lagte hai,

Bas kya kahe aur hum unke baare mein,

Vo kabhi khuda to kabhi bewafa lagte hai.

************ ********* ********* **

Aati hai yaad baar-baar tumhe kaise bhulaye hum,

Jis dil mein tumhaari yaad na ho,

Aisa dil kaha se laaye hum.

************ ********* ********* **

Apki yaad mein deewana-se phirte hai,

Ki aapka naam labo se hatata hi nahi,

Tamaam umar je sakege kaise,

Bin aapke ek lamha to katata hi nahi.

************ ********* ********* **

Bahut udaas hai zindagi thoda pyar kar lene do,

Yu roko na raaho ko meri thoda saath to chal lene do,

Chand lamhe hai in aakhon mein, un lamho mein jee lene do.

************ ********* ********* **

Yun Chup Se Na Raho

2009-06-06T04:14:00.000-07:00

Yun chup say na raha karo,
Yun khamosh say jo ho jatay ho,
Dil ko weham sa ho jata hai,
Kaheen khfa to nahi ho,
Kaheen udaas to nahi ho,
Tum boltay achhay lagtay ho,
Tum dant,tay achhay lagtay ho,
Kabi shrarat say
Kabi gussay say
Tum hanstay achhay lagtay ho,
Tum boltay achhay lgtay ho...!!!

Mix Jokes (Hindi)

2009-06-06T04:12:00.000-07:00

Yaad hai pehle hum kaha mile the...

Train ruki, khidki khuli,

Nazaron se nazare mili,

Aur aap ne kaha- Idli, Dosa, Vade, Sambhar, Chay...

************ ********* ********* **

Jab tumhe dekhu my dil starts flying,

Tumse baat karne ko I keep trying,

Jab tu dur jaaye I feel like crying,

Are! Itna mat chad I was just lying.

************ ********* ********* **

Galat nazaron se dekhoge to har jagah kharabi lagegi,

Aur sahi nazar se dekhoge to har sundar ladki

Tumhe bhabhi lagegi-Tumhara bhai!

************ ********* ********* **

Aisa dostana hamara, main kashti tu kinara,

Main dhanush tu teer, ,main matar tu paneer,

Main varsha tu baadal, main raajma tu chawal,

Main hot tu cool, main april tu fool.

************ ********* ********* **

Anhon ki aawaaz kuch hoti hai,

Aansuon ki aag kuch aur hoti hai,

Kaun chahata hai bichadna apno se

Vo to vakt ki maar hoti hai.

************ ********* ********* **

Prashan: Gabbar singh ne paida hone par

Apni maa se kya kaha?

Uttar: Maa! kitne aadmi the?

************ ********* ********* **

Sooraj se achha sitara koi nahi,

Jaisa hai rishta hamara koi nahi,

Chahe saari duniya mein dund lo,

Muj jaisa pyara aur aap jaisa aawara koi nahi.

************ ********* ********* **

Jab bhi kanjus ke liye oskar ka nomination aayega,

Tera bhi naam usme jaroor aayega,

Ye padkar do-char SMS hi kar de,

Varna shayad oskar bhi tu hi jeet jaayega!!

************ ********* ********* **

Ankhe matar, gaal tamatar, naak ho jaise bhindi,

Tu meri saheli hai ya koi sabji mandi.

************ ********* ********* **

Taazi hawa ka jhonka aaya,

Khushboo teri saath laya,

Fir mere dil ko khayal aaya,

Ki aaj bhi mera dost nahi nahaya.

************ ********* ********* **

Kaash life aisi hoti yaar, monday ko dosti,

Tuesday ko ekraar, wedsnesday ko pyar,

Thursday ko intazaar, friday ko shaadi,

Saturday ko talaak, sunday ko rest,

Monday ko next.

************ ********* ********* **

Mandir mein puja karta hu, mazjid mein namaaz padta hu,

Insaan se bhagwan na ban jana,

Isliye roz tumhe SMS karke ek paap karta hu.

************ ********* ********* **

Mere marne ke baad, jab mera janaza uski

gali se nikala, mere marne ke baad,

jab mera janaza uski gali se nikala wo

Khidki pe aayi boli, yaha saala bi tapak pada!!!

************ ********* ********* **

Main saawan hu tum baadal ho,

main normal hu tum pagal ho,

main paani hu tum tanki ho,

main tarzan hu tum monkey ho !!

************ ********* ********* **

Mohabbat ek baar ho jaye to apnapan,

Do baar ho jaye to bholapan,

Teen baar ho jaye to dewanapan,

Baar-Baar ho jaye to kaminapan.

************ ********* ********* **

Mix Jokes (HiNDi) (large coll.)

2009-06-05T06:47:00.001-07:00

Phool aisa ho baag ko khushoo se bar de,

Hamsafar aisa ho jo andheron ko roshan kar de,

Dost aisa ho jo zindagi ko khushi eva mobile

Ko SMS se bhar de.

************ ********* ********* **

Takdeer ne chaha, takdeer ne bataya,

Takdeer ne tumko aur humko milaya,

Khushnaseeb the hum ya vo pal,

Jab tum-saa anmol dost is zindagi mein aaya.

************ ********* ********* **

Tum na maano yah hakikat hai,

`Dosti' insaan ki jarurat hai,

Kisi din aaoo mahfil mein,

Jaan jaaoge zindagi kitni khubsurat hai.

************ ********* ********* **

Ande ke haath mein `Torch', behare ke haath mein `Radio',

Gunge ke haath mein`Mike', bewakuf ke haath mein `Mobile'!

Kya zamana aa gaya hai...

************ ********* ********* **

Din ko chain nahi, raat ko aaram nahi,

Jee na lage kahi, ae khuda kya yahi pyar hai?

`Stupid' ye pyaar nahi summer ki garmi hai.

************ ********* ********* **

Jo tum chaho vo tumhara ho,

Roshan raate aur khoobsurat sawera ho,

Jaari rakhege hum duaaaon ka silsala,

ki kaamyab har manzil pe dost hamara ho...

************ ********* ********* **

Jaruri nahi dosti me mulakat hoti rahe,

Jaruri nahi ki baat hoti rahe,

par jo jaruri hai vo bas yahi,

ki dost ko meri dosti yaad aati rahe.

************ ********* ********* **

Jeevan me`safal' hone ke liye 3 factor jaroor lagao,

Pratham: brain mein eyes factor...

Dwitiya: jubaan mein sugar factor...

Trutiya: heart mein friendship factor...

************ ********* ********* **

koi ho baat na dil se lagana,

Agar apna samjho to hi batana,

Bhool ho humse, to samjhana,

samjho jo to hak jatana,

ki hai dosti to dil se nibhana.

************ ********* ********* **

phoolon se khoobsurat koi nahi,

Sagar se gahara koi nahi,

ab aapki kya taarif karu,

Dosti me aap jaisaa pyara koi nahi.

************ ********* ********* **

Tarasti nazaron ki pyas ho tum,

Tadapte dil ki aas ho tum,

Basti zindagi ki saas ho ltum,

Phir kaise na kahu?

"Kuch khas ho tum...?"

************ ********* ********* **

Suraj se kaho, Roshni dena chod de...

Chand se kaho, chamakna chod de...

Agar tum nahi aa saktey...

Apni yaadon se kaho,

Hame satana chod de.

************ ********* ********* **

Aye dil kisi ki yaad mein rona fizool hai,

Ansoon bade anmol hai inhe khona fizool hai,

Roh toh unke liye jo hum par nizaar hai,

Unke liye kya rona jinke aashiq hazaar hai...

************ ********* ********* **

Ishq-mohabbat to hazaro karte hai,

Gam-e-Judai se wo bhi darte hai,

hum na ishq karte hai, na mohabbat karte hai,

bas aap jaise doston pe marte hai.

************ ********* ********* **

Is dil mein hamesha ek shor hota hai,

BIna tere SMS ke dil bor ho raha hai,

kahi aisa to nahi ek pyara-sa dost,

Mujhse bor ho raha hai.

************ ********* ********* **

Mix Jokes (HInDi)

2009-06-05T06:27:00.001-07:00

Teacher : jawani aur Budhape mein farak batao?

Student: jawani mein mobile mein "Haseeno" ke number hote hain. aur
Budhape mein "hakeemo" ke

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------

So ja agar neeend ager tujhe aati hai,

yahan toh haal bura hai,

har raat yuhin hi guzar jaati hai

Ab kya bataun tujhe ,

tere sote hi teri girlfriend mujhe hi phone lagaati hai

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------

Apne dil churaya Hum Khamosh rehe

Apne neend churayi ,Hum Khamosh rehe

Apne hansi churayi Hum khamosh rehe

But its to much yaar

CHAPPAL TO wapis karo meri

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------

Tarasti nazaron ki pyas ho tum,

Tadapte dil ki aas ho tum,

Basti zindagi ki saas ho ltum,

Phir kaise na kahu?

"Kuch khas ho tum...?"

************ ********* ********* **

Suraj se kaho, Roshni dena chod de...

Chand se kaho, chamakna chod de...

Agar tum nahi aa saktey...

Apni yaadon se kaho,

Hame satana chod de.

************ ********* ********* **

Aye dil kisi ki yaad mein rona fizool hai,

Ansoon bade anmol hai inhe khona fizool hai,

Roh toh unke liye jo hum par nizaar hai,

Unke liye kya rona jinke aashiq hazaar hai...

************ ********* ********* **

Ishq-mohabbat to hazaro karte hai,

Gam-e-Judai se wo bhi darte hai,

hum na ishq karte hai, na mohabbat karte hai,

bas aap jaise doston pe marte hai.

************ ********* ********* **

Is dil mein hamesha ek shor hota hai,

BIna tere SMS ke dil bor ho raha hai,

kahi aisa to nahi ek pyara-sa dost,

Mujhse bor ho raha hai.

Children Innocence(ENGlisH)

2009-06-05T06:24:00.001-07:00

TOO SWEET FOR WORDS!!!

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl
across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in
handling children, hid his smile behind.

'That's a serious step,' he said. 'Have you thought it out completely?'

'Yes,' his young son answered. 'We can spend one week in my room and
the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I
get scared of the dark.'
'How about transportation?' the father asked.

'I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,' the little boy
answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, 'What about babies? When you're
married, you're liable to have babies, you know.'

'We've thought about that, too,' the little boy replied. 'We're not
going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on
it!'

WeeWeechu

2009-06-05T06:07:00.000-07:00

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee
was sitting by the side of the ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, how about
playing Weeweechu".

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.

"Oh c'mon baby, lets you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's a
perfect time," Huan Cho begged.

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Cho and said, "Ok, we'll play Weeweechu".....

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and both sang..... "Weeweechu a melly
Christmas, Weeweechu a melly Christmas, Weeweechu a melly Christmas,
and a happy New Year."

Indian - American (ENGLISH)

2009-06-05T06:06:00.001-07:00

An Indian migrated to America , and moved into an American neighbourhood;

His American neighbour went next door to wish him welcome.He was
shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten
chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to
himself.

Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.

When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into
a cup and drink it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself.
Deciding he could put off the welcome till the next day, he went on
with other stuff.

The third day, he was determined to welcome the Indian man. At his
gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big
fat butt.

Seeing this, he became disgusted and went up to the Indian man.

"I'm sorry sir, I did want to wish you a warm welcome, but I cannot
stand your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled at the Indian .

The Indian looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are
mistaken. These are actually American customs. I was told, that in
order to be a true American, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk,
and listen to bullshit.

Mix SMS Jokes (HINDI)

2009-06-05T06:05:00.001-07:00

************ ********* ********* **

Ek aadmi ki biwi kho gayi, vo Ram ke mandir gaya,

Bhagwan ne kaha paas ke Hanuman mandir jao,

Meri bhi unhone dhundi thi.

************ ********* ********* **

Gunghat mein tujhe dekha to dewana hua,

Sangeet ka tarana hua, shama ka parwana hua,

Masti ka mastana hua, jaise hi tune gunghat

uthaya is duniya se mein rawana hua.

************ ********* ********* **

Pati daaru pi kar apni patni se kehta hai,

Darling, aaj kuch aisi baat karo

Ki mere kadam zameen par na tike...

Patni ne kaha kaho to faasi pe chada du.

************ ********* ********* **

Zaam kadwa hai magar,

itna bhi nahi ki piya na jaaye,

Zindagi mein dard hai,

Magar itna bhi nahi ki jiya naa jaaye,

Mana SMS par charges hai,

Magar itna bhi nahi ki kiya naa jaaye.

************ ********* ********* **

Jugal Hansraj aur Mayuri Cango,

Bus stop par khade the.

Bus aayi Mayuri gayi,

Magar Jugal nahi gaya-kyon?

Because Mayuri "Can Go".

************ ********* ********* **

Patni Chalisa (hindi)

2009-06-05T05:30:00.001-07:00

Namo-namo patni maharani,
tumhari mahima koi na jani... || 1 ||

Hamne samjha tum abla ho,
par tumto sabse badi bala ho... || 2 ||

Jis din haath me belana aawe,
Uss din PATI khub chillave.... || 3 ||

Saare bed pe PATNI sove,
PATI baith farsh par rove.... || 4 ||

Tumse hi ghar MATHURA KASI,
aur tumse hi ghar Satyanasi... . || 5 ||

PATNI CHALISA jo nar gave,
sab sukh chhod param dukh paave..... || 6 ||

Cool Hilarious Jokes

2009-06-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

A man walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of beer

and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in

turn.

When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the

glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."

The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in

Dubai, the other in Canadaand I'm here in London.

When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember

the days when we drank together.

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars

notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"

I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere

condolences on your great loss. "

The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh, no,"

he, said, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive" .

" The only thing is

I just quit drinking!!! ...

Installing Husband on Your PC.. (ENGLISH)

2009-06-02T09:14:00.001-07:00

A desperate woman writes to the Technical support Guy,
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system
performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery
applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable programs such as NEWS
5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix
these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate Woman

DEAR DESPERATE Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: i thought you loved me. html and try to
download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt
3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should
then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0
or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will
download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that
will eventually seize control of all your system
resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the
Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications
and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does
have limited memory and cannot learn new applications
quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve
memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

Tech Support

Funny SANTA Jokes (Hindi & English)

2009-06-02T09:05:00.001-07:00

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Sardar built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled?
When asked him, he said,
"Oye, that's for those who don't know Swimming.

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf.
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals (Shoes) are new

Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".

Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

Sardar in airplane going to Bombay . While its landing he was excited and shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr. YOU" !!.

After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice.
He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears with a Torch & Finally Said: "Oye, Torch is okay"

I think U r very careless!!! (Eng1ish + Hindi)

2009-05-31T08:21:00.000-07:00

U come & leave things behind!!!!
See now what u have left??
U just came in my mind &
Left a smile on my face....

............ ......... ......... ...

God picked up a flower n dipped it in dew,
He lovingly touched it, & it turned into u.
And then he gifted it to me n said this friend is 4 u.

............ ......... ......... ....

Har shaks ko diwana bana deti hai dosti
Mili nazar to fasana bana deti hai dosti
Dil ke mariz ho to kar lo dosti
Har dil ko dhadakna sikha deti hai dosti

............ ......... ......... ....

Tumse hi Dosti, Tumhara hi Intezar,
Tumhare bina Dil rehta hai Bekarar,
Tumhari yeh Saadgi, Tumhara yeh Pyar,
Jeevan bhar na bhool payenge is Dosti ko Yaar...

DONT MISS THIS POST..You Know You Grew Up in India in the 90s if : (eNGLISH)

2009-05-31T08:18:00.000-07:00

You Know You Grew Up in India in the 90s if :

1) You know the words to 'In-pin-safety-pin' and 'akkad-bakkad' by heart
2) Cricket is almost a religion for you, and you idolize at least one of Kapil Dev/Rahul Dravid/Sachin Tendulkar/Saurav Ganguly
3) You have read at least some Chacha Chaudhary or Tinkle comics
4) You've watched Shaktimaan on TV at least once in your life. And you can immediately recognize the character when you see him.
5) You have some 'NRI' relatives.
6) You couldn't wait for it to be December so you could have the Toblerone chocolates your NRI relatives brought you
7) You watched Cartoon Network, and then the late night movies on TNT that came after Cartoon Network ended.
8) You watched corny dubbed versions of Small Wonder, Silver Spoon, and I Dream of Jeanie
9) You were THRILLED when McDonald's opened in your neighborhood (or even eight kilometers away)
10) Your first burgers were at Wimpy's or Nirula's.
11) A visit to Pizza Hut used to mean a special treat
12) You have seen Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Hum Aapke Hain Kaun at least 5 times each
13) You still remember the theme song to Hum Paanch.
14) You have played hours upon hour of Pukdam-pakdai, oonch-neech, kho-kho, 'Doctor, doctor, help us!', 'Lock and key'
15) You have played 'Uma Joshi' more times than you can remember.
16) Dog 'in' the bone was your favorite co-ed game.
17) Much of your free time in school was spent playing UNO.
18) You collected trump cards of wrestlers, cricketers, and airplanes, and did not quite understand why your younger siblings were obsessed with Pokemon and the other Japanese trends that followed.
19) Your summer vacations were often synonymous with visiting your grandparents
20) Your parents, at some point, told you 'Dark Room' was a bad game to play. But you still loved playing it.
21) Bole mere lips, I love uncle Chips!
22) You know the song 'Made in India ' by Alisha Chinoi
23) You have seen many many many episodes of 'Antakshri' on Zee TV and know the only thing constant in the show is Anu Kapoor.
24) Amy evenings have been spent watching little kids gyrate vulgarly on Boogie Woogie on Sony.
25) You were the coolest thing in class if you had a computer in your house while it was still the 90s.
26) You learnt LOGO in school!
27) You couldn't wait to start 4th/6th standard so you could start writing with PENS instead of with pencils!
28) You often used terms and phrases like 'kutti', 'batti', 'same to you, back to you, with no returns', and 'shame shame, puppy shame, all the donkeys know your name.'
29) You most probably saw Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge at the cinema at least once. You also fantasized singing songs in mustard fields like in the movie.
30) You have seen David Dhawan and Govinda movies and laughed at them.
31) You have said 'haw' when you saw people kissing in English movies
31) You have seen Titanic at least 12 times.
32) You thought seeing English movies and speaking English made you the coolest thing ever.
33) You remember the Orissa cyclone, even though you didn't know what a cyclone was.
34) You remember the Gujarat earthquake very clearly and could possibly tell everyone EXACTLY what you were doing when the earthquake occurred.
35) Barbies for girls, and GI Joes for boys were the ultimate status symbols. You just wanted more more more and more. And how can I forget Hot Wheels, for both boys and girls? I personally have a collection of over 200 little Hot Wheels cars.
36) You have worn Osh-Kosh B'gosh and United Colours of Benetton clothes while growing up. And you thought 'imported' clothes were definitely way better than 'made in India' clothes (never mind that a lot of clothes brought from overseas by NRI relatives were actually made in India, before 'Made in China' started appearing on EVERY existing thing)
37) You know the words to 'Posham Paa', and like it better than ' Oranges and Lemons' even though you'd sing the latter to sound cool (see 32 above).
38) At some point or other, cool was your favourite, and therefore, most overused word.
39) Captain Planet was your first introduction to environmental consciousness.
40) You have tried to convince people around you to not burst crackers on Diwali, and then gone straight back home and burst them yourself.
41) You have had endless packets of Parle Gluco G biscuits, and of Brittania Little Hearts biscuits.
42) You loved licking off the cream from the centre of Bourbon biscuits.
43) There were no Nike, Reebok, Adidas, Puma- Bata and Liberty was the way to go for your sports shoes.
44) You have probably consumed more Frooti in your lifetime than there is oil in Iraq .
45) You watched Baywatch on Star World even though (or because) your parents said you shouldn't watch it.
46) You bought packets of potato chips for the specific purpose of collecting Tazoa. And you had Tazos depicting everyone from Confucius to Daffy Duck to Daffy Duck dressed as Confucius.
47) For the longest time, the Maruti 800, the Premier Padmini, THE Fiat, and THE Ambassador were the only cars you saw on the road, and the Contessa was cool because it was bigger.
48) You would literally jump up in excitement if you ever chanced upon an imported car (Oh my gosh, is that really a MERCEDES?)!
49) You spent a good part of 1998 drooling over the Hyundai Santro and the Daewoo Matiz , debating which one was better.
50) You used to Fuzen gum. You also chewed Big (big) Babool and/or Boom Boom Boomer chewing gum.. They were bright pink and disgusting tasting, but you loved them for the temporary tattoos.
51) Talking of temporary tattoos, you sometimes had contests with your classmates about who had more tattoos on their arm, leg, knee, hand, forehead, wherever.
52) You thought Mario and Tetris were the coolest things ever invented, especially if you were a boy..
53) You knew that having the latest Hero or Atlas bicycle would make you the coolest kid on the block.
54) You can imitate Sushmita Sen's winning gasp to perfection.
55) You have, at some point of time, worn GAP clothes (real or fake) like SRK in KKHH.
56) Seemingly senseless acronyms like SRK, DDLJ, KKHH actually make sense to you.
57) You have at some point debated who was more beautiful- Aishwarya or Sushmita.
58) If you lived in Delhi , you went bowling at Essex Farms, or Go-Karting at 32nd Milestone and couldn't think how you could get any cooler than that.
59) Baskin Robbins ice-cream was THE thing to have!
60) You know what Campa Cola is. And you also knew that Coca Cola was THE drink.
61) When you would watch WWF keenly every evening/afternoon and really think that Undertaker had 7 lives and he made an "actual" appearance in the Akshay Kumar- starrer Khiladiyon ka Khiladi.
62) When all backpacks (or 'schoolbags') and water bottles and tiffin boxes had strange cartoon characters that were hybrid versions of seven or eight different characters, and you still bought them, because a green man wih a water pistol, boots, a jet-pack, Johnny bravo hair, a rajasthani mustache, gloves, and underwear (long johns) over his pants, called 'Mr. X' was OBVIOUSLY a status symbol.
63) You remember the Nirma tikia jingle.
64) You remember the Nirma girl.
65) You remember the 'doodh doodh' ad and also the 'roz khao andey' ads.
66) You grew up reading, if you read at all, some or all of Nancy Drews, Enid Blyton books, Hardy Boys, Babysitters Club, Animorphs, Goosebumps, Sweet Valley series, Judy Blumes, and Tintin, or Archie comics. Because naturally, reading foreign authors made you much coller than reading Tinkle.
67) Towards the late 90s (1998-99) at least some of us started our Harry Potter obsessions!
68) You absolutely HAD to go to Essel World if you wnet to Mumbai! "Essel World mein rahoonga main, ghar nahin nahin jaaonga main!"
69) You watched the Bournvita Quiz contest on TV pretty religiously. The smarter ones amongst you actually took part in it and had your entire school and your entire extended families watch you on it!
70) "Jungle jungle baat chali hai, pata chala hai. Chaddi pehen ke phool khila hai, phool khila!"
71) Maggi 2 Minute Noodles = ultimate snack (and tiffin, lunch, dinner)!
72) If you grew up in the early 90s, you recall the nation's obsession with Mahabharata on TV
73) In the later 90s, you religiously followed Hip Hip Hooray on Zee. Maybe Just Mohabbat on Sony too.
74) You eagerly awaited Friendship Day, so you could give friendship bands to all your friends, and get bands from them in return. Then, of course, those with the most bands loved to show them off (and on Rakhi, boys with the most Rakhis loved showing those off too!)

75) This list made you smile J

Good Morning....Must Read (English)

2009-05-31T08:16:00.000-07:00

24 sweet hrs make 1 sweet day,
7 sweet day make 1 sweet week,
4 sweet weeks make 1 sweet month,
But sweet person like u makes a whole life sweet.

...sweet morning

............ ......... ............

Fly in the plane of Ambition & Land in the Airport of Success...

Luck is yours,Wish is mine...
May Ur future always shine... Good Morning....

........... ......... ............

An ideal day should begin with a cute little yawn on ur face,

A cup of coffe in ur hand & a msg from me on ur mobile...

Have a great day! Good morning.

............ ......... ............

Morning greetings doesn't only mean saying Good Morning,

It has a silent message saying: I remember you when I wake up

! Have a nice day!

We Hire Texan (EnGli$h)

2009-05-31T08:11:00.000-07:00

Three contractors are at a theme park to bid for a job repairing fences – one is from New York, one from Texas and the third from Florida.
First to bid is the Florida contractor. He measures up and says, "Well, I reckon we'll do the job for $900. That's $400 for materials, $400 for the men, and $100 for me."
Next is the Texan, who measures up and says, "I'll do the job for $700, that's $300 for materials, $300 for my men, and $100 for me."
The man from New York doesn't even stand up. He says, "$2700."
The park owner, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure the job! How did you arrive at that price?"
"Easy," says the New Yorker. "$1000 for you, $1000 for me, and we hire the Texan."

Phir Bhi.....(HINDI)

2009-05-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

Hum unki chhah main tadapkar rote hai,
aansoo hamare dikaye nahi dete hai,
unki yaadonmain ratbhar jagate hai,
aur dinka chain bhi khote hai,
fir bhi wo aisa kyon samazati hai ki,
sare mard ek jaise hote hai,
............ ......... ......... .....

Hum unki khushi ko apna samazate hai ,
aur unke gum main bhi to saath nibhate hai,
unki musibato ko khud zelate hai,
aur fir bhi muskurate hai,
fir bhi wo aisa kyon samazati hai ki,
sare mard ek jaise hote hai,
............ ......... ......... .......

Unke ha main main ha milana hamari majbori hoti hai,
kyon ki koi galatfehmi na ho iske liye ye zaroori hoti hai,
wo apne aapko hi sabkuch samazati hai,
aur hame apni ungaliyon pe nachati hai,
hum nachate bhi hai,
fir bhi wo aisa kyon samazati hai ki.
sare mard ek jaise hote hai,
............ ......... ......... .........

Dhoka to wo bhi deti hai humko,
magar fir bhi badnam hume hi karti hai,
dil to wo bhi dukhati hai humara,
magar fir bhi ilzam humko hi deti hai,
sub gile shikave bhulkar hum unko manate hai,
fir bhi wo aisa kyon samazati hai ki,
sare mard ek jaise hote hai,
............ ......... ......... .........

Muze to ab aisa lagata hai,
sari ladakiya yahi sochati hai,
hum maise bhi kio accha ho sakata hai,
kyo nahi wo apne dil se dekhati hai,
tumhare pyar ke khatir hum apna sab kuch lutate hai,
fir bhi wo aisa kyo samazati hai ki,
sare mard ek jaise hote hai,
............ ......... ......... ......... .

Bahot dukh hota hai,
bahot takalif bhi hoti hai,
kaise samazaye hum unko ki,
aankhen hamari bhi roti hai,
magar hum chupke chupke aansoo pi lete hai,
fir bhi wo aisa kyo samazati hai ki,
sare mard ek jaise hote hai,
............ ......... ......... .........

Sari ladakiya aisa na samze to accha hai,
pyar hum jo karte hai dilo jan se tum pe,
wo bhi utnahi saccha hai,

agar kisi ki galatfehami ka tum shikar ho,
to wo us ek ki burai hai,
kyon dosh deti ho tum ham sab ko,
humse tumhri kya ladai hai,
fir bhi......... ......... ......... .

tum ko jo chhahe tum karo,
tum ko jo chhahe tum kaho,
tumhe puri azadi hai,
mard aur aurat main beti baap aur bhai bahan
bhi to hote hai,
kya fir bhi tum kahogi ki,
sare mard ek jaise hote hai !

Attitude

2009-05-29T10:23:00.001-07:00

There was a man who made a living selling balloons at a fair.
He had all colors of balloons,including red,yellow,blue and green.
Whenever business was slow,he would release a helium-filled balloon into
the air and when the children saw it go up,they all wanted to buy one.

They would come up to him,buy a balloon,and his sales would go up
again.He continued this process all day.

One day he felt someone tugging at his jacket.
He turned around to saw a little boy who asked, "If you release a black
balloon,would that also fly ? "

Moved by the boy's concern,the man replied with empathy, "Son,it is not
the color of the balloon,it is what is inside that makes it go up. "

The same thing applies to our lives.
It is what is inside that counts.
The things inside of us makes us go up is our ATTITUDE.

If you have a right/positive attitude towards your LIFE then you will
succeed no matter what.......no matter what your KUNDLI tells
you............no matter what an ASTROLOGER tells you........no matter
what your ENEMIES tell you.......

If some ASTROLOGER tells you that STOCK MARKETS are not good for you and
stay away from it..........Then make your own decision.....IF u play
your moves at the right time and on the right stock........then no
matter what u will keep on earning.

It is not only about STOCK MARKETS..........it is also about anything
that someone has told you not to do.......If u are really interested in
doing a particular GOOD THING........then JUST DO IT.

Don't LIVE your Life as though you have already DIED,
DIE as if you have LIVED upto your 100%.

BEST OF LUCK

A Kiss of Forever

2009-05-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

A Kiss of Forever

The first time I felt your lips
I thought it was merely a dream
I opened my eyes and to my surprise
The most handsome eyes I've ever seen.

I don't know why you love me
But because of that I know dreams come true
All I want is love and devotion
Honesty and faithfulness from you.

Since that very first day we kissed
I just couldn't let it go
I'd found a love to last forever
And so much to experience and know.

I couldn't believe what I was staring at
You stole my heart away
I love you with all my heart
More and more each day.

Whenever things get really rough
And there's times I begin to miss
I just close my eyes and begin to dream
And remember our first kiss.

I can't remember any kisses before you
But it doesn't matter now
I still can't believe it
The feelings in that kiss I had found.

It all just came in one day
Two people who were perfect together
And I found it all in one precious touch
In that priceless kiss of forever.

Mix SMS Jokes (Hindi N Engli$h)

2009-05-29T10:19:00.001-07:00

1) Sardar: should I buy tickets to my children.
Conductor: yes, only if they are above 8.
Sardar: thank God I Have only 6 children.

****************************************************************************
***********************************

2) Lab pe Aati hai dua ban k tmana meri,
Dil karta he band karvadu sim teri.
noor dunia ka mere dam se ujala ho jaey,
Jo mujhe msg na kry uska rang kala ho jae.

****************************************************************************
***********************************

3) Dekh tere sansar ki halat kya ho gai bhagwan !
Kitna badal gaya insaan!
Na SMS Na koi miss-call, Na koi bhi call
Ham bhi hue hairan kitna Busy hua SHAITAN!

****************************************************************************
***********************************

4) GHAJINI Dekhne K Baad Ye Ehsas Hua Ki
Hum Bhi Aamir Khan Se Kuch Kum Nahi He

Hum Bibi Ki Sunte He Samajhte He
Aur 15Min Baad Bhul Jate He.

****************************************************************************
***********************************

5) HI Meri Jaan...
..

Nikal Rahi Hai..
Sardi aur Zukam Se..
Log Pata Nahi
Kya Kya
Samaj Lete Hai.

Ha.. Ha..

Every MOM's Advice to his SON

2009-05-27T06:02:00.001-07:00

Every Mom's advice to her son ………..

1960's Mom to her son— beta, apne caste ki ladki

se hi shaadi karna

1970's…………………….. Apne religion ki

1980's ……………………. Apne level ki

1990's ……………………. Apne desh ki

2000 ……………………. Apni umar ki

2009 AFTER WATCHING DOSTANA

……………………. Koi bhi ho,

Par Beta Ladki se hi karna….…..….. !!!

KYUNKI

MAA DA LADLA VIGARD GAYA

HE HE HE

So Wrong, But So FUNNY (Engli$h)

2009-05-27T05:59:00.001-07:00

A woman takes a lover home during the day
while her husband is at work.

Her 9year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in
the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing
that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is..'
Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
Man: 'That's nice'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time,
asks the boy, How much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy , 'Grab your glove, let's go
outside and have a game of catch.'
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: '$1,000'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like
that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to
church, to confession.'

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the
confessional booth and closes the door..

Wait For It !!

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now..'

Imporatant Announcment

2009-05-27T05:18:00.001-07:00

Dear Readers,

We are too happy to see our Blog progress, Thanks you to all.

We have also international readers of your favourite blog which are
unable to read HINDI, in blog archive if he likes a title that

may be in hindi, for helping our international Readers, from now on
all post we will also submit language of post, that may be hindi or
english.

Thanks,,,

with regards

CONTENTi BLOG TEAM................

Om Shanti Om ke Dilouge Student ke Style mein

2009-05-27T05:13:00.000-07:00

Om shanti Om ka dialogue Students ke andaaz mein ...

Itni shiddat se maine paas hone ki koshish ki hai,,,,,

ki har teacher ne mujhe marks na dene ki saazish ki hai,,,,,

Agar tum kisi paper mein paas hona chahte ho,,,

to saari kaaynat tumhe usko paas karane me lag jati hai,,,,,,

Ye exams bhi apne hindi filmon ki tarah hote hain,,,,,

end tak sab kuch achha ho hi jata hai-HAPPYYYYS ENDINGGGGS......

aur agar aisa nahi hota,,,,,

toh exam abhi khatam nahi hua,
.
SUPPLEMENTARY abhi baaki hai mere dost................ ha ha ha.

"33 marks ki kimat,

tum kya jaano lecturer babu.....

har student ka khwaab hota hai....33 marks.

Be Positive Like This BOY!!@

2009-05-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st
Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. what is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While
the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal
what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy
a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade
should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy
can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy.: 'Pockets.'

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a
dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..

Boy.: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large
Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow
me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of
heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get
it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men
than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his
wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of
veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

Umbrella Thief

2009-05-21T09:06:00.001-07:00

A man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told
the shopkeeper he would pick it up in the evening while back from
work.

On the way to work in Bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the
woman sitting next to him, got up and started walking.

The woman started yelled, "Umbrella thief, Umbrella thief."

The embarrassed guy returned the umbrella and apologized, before
getting abused and beaten up by other woman loving passengers.

In the evening he picked up all his umbrellas repaired, put them under
his arms and started walking towards home. Unfortunately the morning
lady returning from work bumped into him.

The lady commented, "Seems, you had a profitable day at work today."

Mix Jokes #3

2009-05-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

Aaj ke baad tum mujhe call mat karana,

Na SMS karana,Baat bhi mat karana,

Milane ki koshish to bhul se bhi mat karana,

Kyonki Doctor ne mujhe

Mithi cheejo se dur rahane ko kaha hai.

************ ********
Vishwas karana hum dosti apani nibayenge,

Agar khuda bhi bulayega to kah denge,

Ki dost agar ijajat dega to he aayenge.

************ ********
Mere marane ke baad aap kisi ki ho,

Aap ko chut hai,

Hum dil se chahate hai tumhe,

Isme bhi nahi juth hai.

************ ********
Tum aise nikaloge ye sochkar mera dil rota hai,

Kya maine he bhura kiya tha,

Mere sath he aisa kyon hota hai?

************ ********
Lakh koshish kare chahe duniya,

Kuch kar nahi payegi,

Mere marane se pahale tak,

Tumhari doli kahi nahi jayegi.

Building a House

2009-05-19T08:42:00.000-07:00

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his
employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house-building business
to live a more leisurely life with his wife and enjoy his extended
family. He would miss the paycheck each week, but he wanted to retire.
They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go & asked if he could
build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes,
but over time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work.
He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was
an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work, his employer came to inspect the
house. Then he handed the front-door key to the carpenter and said,
"This is your house... my gift to you."

The carpenter was shocked!

What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he
would have done it all so differently.

So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting
less than our best into the building. Then, with a shock, we realize
we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we
would do it much differently.

But, you cannot go back. You are the carpenter, and every day you
hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Someone once said,
"Life is a do-it-yourself project." Your attitude, and the choices you
make today, help build the "house" you will live in tomorrow.
Therefore, Build wisely!

Patthar Ki Hai Duniya

2009-05-19T08:41:00.001-07:00

PathaR ki hai Duniya, jazbat nahi samajti,
Dil me kya hai Wo baat nai samjti,

Tanha to Chand b hai sitaro ke bich,
magar Chand ka Dard Bewafa Raat nahi samjhati

............ ......... ......... ......... ......

Hamari khushi ki baghwan se fariyad na karna,
bhula dena mujko kabhi tum yad na karna,

kiya barbad tune mujhe ye meri badnasibi thi,
iltaza hai kisi aur ko yun barbad na karna....

............ ......... ......... ......... ......

Kabhi ro k muskraye, kabi muskra k roe
Uski yaad jab b ayi, ushe bhula k roe,

Ek uska hi nam tha, jise hazar bar likha,
jitna likh k kush hue, usse jiyada mita k roe

............ ......... ......... ......... ......

Zindgi ek chahat ka silsila hai,
Koi kisi se mil jata hai to koi kisi se bichad jata hai,

Jise hum mangten hai apni dua mein,
Wo kisi ko bina mange mil jata hai.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......

How the Poor Live (touching)

2009-05-19T08:40:00.001-07:00

One day, a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to
the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people
live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would
be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the
father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We
have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden, and they have a
creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden, and
they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard, and
they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on,
and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who
serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow
theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us; they have
friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

--
This mail is sent u by - Ashwani agarwal,
Dhanuara,
INDIA

Socha Nahi Achcha Boora

2009-05-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

Socha Nahi Acha Bura

Socha nahi acha Bura, Dekha Suna kuch b nahi
Manga Khuda se raat-din, Tere siwa Kuch b nahi

**********

Dekha Tujhe Chaha tujhe, Socha Tujhe Pooja Tujhe
Meri Wafa Meri Khata, Teri Khata kuch b nahi

**********

Jis per Hamari Aankh ne, Moti bichaye Raat bhar
Bheja wohi Kagaz usey, Hum ne likha Kuch b nahi

**********

Aur Ek Shaam ki Dehleez per, Bethey rahe wo Dair tak
Aankhon se ki Batain boht, Munh se kaha kuch b nahi

**********

Do-Chaar din ki Baat hai, Dil Khaak mai mil jaye ga
Aag per jab Kagaz rakha, Baqi bacha Kuch b nahi

*********

Mix Jokes #2

2009-05-18T09:14:00.000-07:00

Mere Marne ke baad
e dost aansoo mat bahana…
Agar yaad aaye meri to
seedhe upar chale aana…
Agar waha me na dikhu to
samajh lena tu narak me hai…

************ ***

Arz hai unki galiyon ke chakkar kaat kaatte
Kutte hamare yaar ho gaye,
Wo to hamare na ho sake par hum
Kutton ke sardar ho gaye…

************ ***

Dil ke dard ko zuba par laate nahi,
Hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,
Hum Detol ke siva kuch laagate nahi.

************ ***

Tum pass hote to tujhpe pyar aata hai,
Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.
Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,
Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai.

************ ***
Amiri ke khwab Dekhne laga,
Angreji Sharab Chakhane laga,
Baap ne kabhi Pager nahi dekha,
Aur beta Mobile rakhne laga!!!

Mix Shayri #2

2009-05-18T09:12:00.001-07:00

Yaadon mein meri tum aaya na karo
Yun baar baar bevaqt hamein sataaya na karo
Pyar karte ho tum bhi humse maloom hai yeh
Yun sabke saamne beithke sharmaaya na karo

Karenge tumse wafa hum har ghadi
Kabhi shikaayat ka mauka na denge tumhein
Haste haste guzaarenge zindagi ka har lamha
Kabhi roothne ka mauka na denge tumhein

Jagaaya unhone aisa ke aaj tak so na sakke
Rulaaya unhone aisa ke sabke saamne ro bhi na sakke. Jaane kya baat
thi unn mein.....
Jabse maana unhe apna tabse kisi ke ho na sakke.

Neendh aankhon se udh gayi hai
Cheyn dil ka kahin kho gaya hai
Haalat dil ki na poocho humse aap....
Kahin mujhe pyar toh nahin hogaya hai

You can fall from a mountain,
You can fall from a tree,
But the best way to fall,
Is to fall in love with me

Bikhri si inn zulfo ko tu apni ungliyo se aake savaar le
Mere khwaab mein aa ke mere saath yeh tanha raat guzaar le
Hota nahin ab inn meethi yaadon se mera guzaara
Marr na jaau kahin iss se pehle mujhe dil se pukaar le

Teri sabhi baatein baar baar yaad karna acha lagta hai..
Tumhein khud mein mehsoos karna acha lagta hai..
Dua hai bas yahi ke Khuda aapko humse juda na kare..
Kyunke tera saanso ke nazdeek rehna acha lagta hai

Mohabat ke bina zindagi fizool hai
Par mahobat ke bhi aapne ussol hai
Kehte hai milti hai mohabbat mein bahut ulfaate
Par aap ho mehboob toh saab kubul hai...

"KitnA Pyaar Karte hain tumse
Kaash TumkO bhi yeH ehsaaS ho JayE
Magar AisA na Ho Ke
Woh hosH mein tab Aaaye
Jab HuM gehri neenD mein so JaayE"

hichikiyon se ek bat ka ehsas hota hein
ki shayad koi humhein bhi yad kartaa hein
beshak milne naa aaye par
char lamhein humpar barbad to karta hein"

Har baar dil se yeh paigaam aaye,
Jubaan kholu to tera he naam aaye,
Tum he kyon bhaye dil ko kya malum,
Jab nazroo ke saamne haseen tamaam aaye.

Aap ke chahne wale bohot honge,
lekin hum bhi kuch kum nahi,
Aap ke naam ke siway hume koi naam yaad nahi,
Aap ko yaad karne ke siway hume kuch kaam nahi,
Dil karta hai sirf ek baar pardes aanke tumhe dekh lu,
Phir maut bhi aae to koi gum nahi....
Missing u a lot my love......

Duniya mein aisa phool nahin jis mein khushboo na ho
Aisa sitaara nahin jis mein roshni na ho
Hamari zindagi mein aisa ek pal nahin
Jis mein "A" aap ki yaad na ho

Tumhain Dil Main Basaye Rakhta Hoon,
Aur Duniya Ko Bhulaye Rakhta Hoon
Tumhe Meri Nazar Na Lag Jaye
Apni Nazar Jhukaye Rakhta Hoon..!!!!

Yun durr rehkar duriyon ko badhaya nahi karte,
Apne deewano ko sataya nahi karte,
Har waqt bas jise tumhara khayal ho,
Usey apni awaaz ke liye tadpaya nahi karte. !!!

Tum Kya Jano Kya Hai Tanhai,
Is Tute Hue Patte Se Pucho Kya Hai Judai,
Yu Bewafa Ka Ilzam Na De Zalim,
Is Waqt Se Puch Kis Waqt Teri Yaad Na Aayi...

Zindagi Sirf Muhabbbat Nahi, Kuch Aur Bhi Hai,
Zulf-O-Rukhsaar Ki Jannat Nahi, Kuch Aur Bhi Hai.
Bhook Aur Pyaas Ki Maari Hui Is Duniya Mein,
Ishq Hi Ek Haqeeqat Nahi, Kuch Aur Bhi Hai.

Sitare to bohot hai, magar Chand jaisa koi nahi,
Phool to bohot hai, magar Gulab jaisa koi nahi,
Shayar to bohot hai ees duniya main,
magar Aap jaisa koi nahi,
Aur dost to bohot hai hamare,
magar Aap jaisa Heera(diamond) koi nahi...

Poocho na us kaagaz se,
jis per hum dil ke bayaan likhte hain,
Tanhaayion mein beeti baatein tamaam likhte hain,
woh kalam bhi dewani ho gayi,

jis se hum tumhaara naam likhte hain..
Jis Ki Qurbat Mein Karar Bohat Hai,
Usss Ka Milna Dushwar Bohat Hai,
Jo Meray Haathon Ki Lakiron Mein Nahin,
Usss Shaks Se Humain Piyar Bohat Hai..

Kya kahen kuch kaha nahi jaata.
Dard mitha hae par saha nahi jata.
Rishta ban gaya is qadar aap se
Bin yaad kiye aapko ab raha nahi jata

Never take some one for granted,Hold every person Close to your Heart
because you might wake up one day and realise that you have lost a
diamond while you were too busy collecting stones."Remember this
always in life.

If You LOove Some1

2009-05-18T09:08:00.001-07:00

Dear friends .........

If you love some one because you think that he or she is really gorgeous ...
then it's not love..
it's - Infatuation . . .

If you love some one because you think that you shouldn't leave him because
others think that you shouldn't ... then it's not love..
it's - compromise . . .

If you love some one because you think that you cannot live with out
his touch ....
then it's not love ..
it's - lust . . .

If you love some one because you have been kissed by him ...
then it's not love..
it's - inferiority complex . . .

If you love some one because you cannot leave him thinking that it
would hurt his feelings ..
then it's not love ..
it's - charity . . .

If you love some one because you share every thing with him ...
then it's not love..
it's - friendship . . .

but if you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when
he is stable
and you cry for him ..
that's - LOVE . . .

Mix Shayri #1

2009-05-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

Uncha ho to aasmaan jaisa,
Gahera ho to jheel jaisa,
Haseen ho to chand jaisa,
Roshan ho to sitaron jaisa,
Aur dost ho to aapke jaisa.
************ ********* ********* **
Unko pyar karne ka hisab na aaya,
Meri kisi bhi baat ka jawaab na aaya,
Hum to jaagate rahe unake he khayalon me,
Aur unako sokar be hamara khwab na aaya.
************ ********* ********* **
Dil ki mehfil mein ujala kijiye,
Ek pyar bhara geet gaya kijiye,
Zindagi khubsurat ban jayegi,
Apano ke lie thoda waqt nikala kijiye.
************ ********* ********* **
Socha kisi apane se baat karen,
Apne kisi khas ko yaad karen,
Jo faisala kisi ko sms karne ka kiya,
Dil ne kaha kyun na aapse suruwat karen.
************ ********* ********* **
Umra ki raah me raaste badal jaate hai,
Waqt ki aandhi mein insaan badal jaate hai,
Sochate hai tumhe itna yaad na karen,
Magar aankh band karte hi iraade badal jate hai.

Most expensive foods in the world

2009-05-15T07:26:00.001-07:00

The world of the rich and famous is fascinating for many of us. They lead the life many of us want and they do what we only dream of us. Being a food fanatic, this time weâ€™ll have a look at the most expensive foods in the world, most expensive drinks, deserts or spices.

1. Saffron, a spice grown worldwide, is derived from the saffron crocus flower. A pound of dry saffron (0.45 kg) requires 50,000â€"75,000 flowers to make, meaning an entire football field of these flowers. Requiring so much resources and labor, prices for the spice go around US$500/pound to US$5,000/pound (US$1100â€"US$11, 000 per kilogram).

2. The most expensive nut in the world is the Macadamia nut. The macadamia tree produces nuts only after itâ€™s 7-10 years old, requiring fertile soil and heavy rainfall. These nuts have a very hard seed, but once itâ€™s open it reveals a creamy white kernel containing up to 80% oil and 4% sugar. The cost of a kilogram of these nuts exceeds 30$.

3. The most expensive caviar in the world is not the black one, but the almas caviar! The word â€˜almasâ€™ is Iranian for diamond. Beluga caviar comes from a fish over 100 years old, that is virtually unchanged for 120 million years.. The luxurious caviar comes from the oldest survivor of the Dinosaur era. Beluga caviar ranges in price from more than $5,000 per kilogram in the United States

4. The most expensive mushroom in the world is the white truffle. The mushroom has its origins in the Langhe area of the Piedmont region in northern Italy, it can reach 12 cm diameter and 500g. These truffles are sold at a amazing price of â‚¬2,000 and â‚¬4,000 per kilogram ($1350 - $2700 per pound). The record price for this truffle was paid last year, in December, when Stanley Ho, the owner of the Macau casino paid $330,000 for 1.5kg of truffles.

5. The most expensive potato in the world is a French one, â€œLa Bonnotteâ€�. Annually, only 100 tons of this top quality potato are cultivated and collected only on the island Noirmoutier. The potato fields require to be fertilized only with seaweed in a climate shaped by the nearby sea. The cost of one single kilogram can reach â‚¬500 since this type of potato is almost extinct.

6. The most expensive beef in the world is the type of beef coming from the Wagyu cows. These Japanese cows are fed the best grass and provided the best treatment. That is why the meat is especially tender and particularly expensive. 200 grams of a fillet cost in Europe more than 100 dollars.

7. The most expensive sandwich in the world is the club sandwich from Essen aka von Essen Platinum Club Sandwich.. This triple-decker delicacy contains the finest chicken, ham, hard-boiled quailsâ€™ eggs and white truffles and itâ€™s currently sold at Cliveden, Berkshire. The chicken (poulet de Bresse) is referred to as the â€˜fourth gastronomic wonder of the world served with a topping of white truffles, sold at over a thousands ponds a month. At 1,182 calories, with 1.8oz of fat, itâ€™s not the healthiest dish but certainly one of the most expensive. Costing 100 pounds (almost 200 dollars), this is a must-try for the food fanatics.

8.The most expensive pizza in the world, valued at 8300 Eur can be tasted in Italy. With generous toppings of caviar and lobster, the pizza has a diameter of 20cm and Louis XIII Remy Martin cognac poured all over it.

9. The most expensive omelet in the world can be tasted at the Le Parker Meridien restaurant in New York. The $1,000 omelet consists of 10 ounces of sevruga caviar, a whole lobster, and six eggs. To make it in the privacy of your own home, the cost will be only $700.

10. Off to something sweet now with one of the most expensive deserts in the world, served at Serendipity 3, a popular restaurant in the Upper East Side of Manhattan. The $1000 sundae was introduced in 2004 and was listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most expensive dessert. Itâ€™s made up of 5 scoops of the richest Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream, Madagascar vanilla, 23K edible gold leaf and one of the most expensive chocolates in the world, Amedei Porceleana.

India's integrity in diversity (Must Read and Laugh)

2009-05-15T07:22:00.001-07:00

Bengali

One Bengali = poet.
Two engalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team.

******

Bihari

One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.

******

Mallu

One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.

******

UP Bhaiyya

One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.

******

Gujju

One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombaytrain.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombaytrain.
Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

******

Andhraite

One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

******

Kashmiri

One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

******

Tamil-Brahmin

One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.

******

Mumbaikar

One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Mumbaikars = film studio.
Three Mumbaikars = slum.
Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the
train at rush hour.

******

Sindhi

One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar.
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

******

Marwari

One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuff adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.
Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.

******

Haryanvi

One Haryanavi = tube light
Two Haryanavi = agriculture
Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad
Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enough

************ ********

Life of a Software Engineer [Routine]

2009-05-15T07:16:00.001-07:00

8:30AM:wake up

8:45AM: Tough decision; to bath or not.

8:50AM: Have To.

9:15AM: Punch in.

9:20AM: Check Mail.

9:25AM: Check Again just in case...

9:30AM: Since It is already 9:30 wait for tea (9:45AM).

9:45AM: TEA party.

10:00AM: Check Mail.

10:05AM: Check again. Can't believe that no mail has come. Is every body dead or what?

10:20AM: Sudden feeling of loneliness and desperation turn around to look for some body (Any body) to talk to.

10:30AM: Found a guy testing something. Feel real pity for his pathetic, boring and useless existence.

10:40AM: Sudden urge to get some work done and fast. Start looking for the file.(Can't remember it's name)

11:00AM: Boss summons in his office. Bad sign.

11:30AM: How the hell! Am I supposed to remember everything? Why should I be responsible for everything that goes bad?

11:45AM: Try to locate a scapegoat. No body around.

12:00AM: Mood is really bad decided to postpone work till after lunch.

12:30AM: lunch

1:00PM: Lunch over.

1:10PM: Go for a smoke. Can't even smoke in this god forsaken place.

1:35PM: Back from a smoke. It was good. I even did not pay for the cig. The other chap is so foolish.

1:50PM: Mood is good. Decide to go to cool web sites. Real sleazy thoughts.

2:30PM: Feeling real sleepy after such a mammoth mental effort.

2:45PM: Tea Time.

3:00PM: Chat and discuss with colleague on the bad state of the company. Blame everybody for incompetence and laziness

4:00PM: A guy from testing comes for help.(Jerk)

4:11PM: Try to look busy.

4:12PM: He is asking for a technical help.(Real jerk).

4:15PM: After really making him beg for help decide to take a look.

4:50PM: No solution found. Really angry on the guy for getting myself involved.

4:55PM: Suddenly boss is spotted in the neighboring area. Try making as much loud noise as possible with some obscure technical jargon thrown in.

5:00PM: Boss has gone back to his den. Coast is clear.

5:05PM: Blame the problem on RnD.

5:10PM: Check mail. "Yes" a mail has finally arrived.

5:13PM: It's a silly joke and old too. But it felt good.

5:14PM: a quick dash for gate.

5:15PM: Third in punching out.

5:25PM: Reached Room.

5:26PM: TV on. No worth while program.

8:30PM: Still no worth while program. Every body is getting lazy and irresponsible what will happen to this world GOD help us. Curse government and RnD.

8:45PM: Food arrives. Pretty bad and stinking.

8:48PM: Dinner finished.

12:45AM: Today there were really good programs.

1:46AM: Decide to sleep. Tough day ahead.

Father in Law

2009-05-15T05:35:00.000-07:00

A woman had 3 girls. One day she decides to test her sons-in-law. She invites the first one for a stroll by the lakeshore, purposely falls in and pretends to be drowning. Without any hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in and saves her.

The next morning, he finds a brand new Toyota car in his driveway with this message on the windshield.

"Thank you!
Your mother-in-law who loves you!

A few days later, the lady does the same thing with the second son-in-law. He jumps in the water and saves her also. She offers him a new Honda car with the same message on the windshield.

Thank you!
Your mother-in-law who loves you!

A few days later, she does the same thing again with the third son-in-law. While she is drowning, the son-in-law looks at her without moving an inch and thinks: "Finaly! It's about time that this old witch dies!

The next morning, he receives a brand new Ferrari car with this message…

THANK YOU!
Your father-in-law.

Wrong E-mail ID

2009-05-15T05:25:00.000-07:00

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room,so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and withoutrealizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile... .Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from herhusband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expectingcondolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. Thewidow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, andsaw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Reached

Date: 16 May 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They gave computers here,and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.I've just reached and have been checked in.I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
-- -- Thanks & Regards

Mera Apna Muzhse Ruthkar

2009-05-14T07:41:00.000-07:00

************ ********

Mera Apna Muzase Rutkar Dur Chale Jana Chahta Hai Koi
Apana Hath Dikhakar Mera Hath Chod Jana Chahta Hai Koi
Zindagi Ka Yu Hisa Batakar Akh Chura Jana Chata Hai Koi
Majburi Koi Hoti Agar To Sunata Deta Muze Bhi Koi
Bahri Mehefil Mai Yu Rusava Na Karna Chata Hai Koi
Dosti Ke Nam Pe Que Daga Kya Karata Hai Koi
Firbhi Tuzase Wafa Ki Umed Kiye Beta Hai Koi
Kheni Hai Kuch Bate Magar Nahi Sunna Chahata Hai Koi
Khilona Banakar Mera Khel Khelna Chahat Hai He Koi
Na Gam Hota Hai Is Bat Ka Use Aaj Koi
Q Bhala Mere Liye Apna Vakt Barbad Krega Koi
Ab Abhija Ye Khekar Teri Rahe Dekh Raha Hai Koi

************ ********
Mera Apna

2009-05-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

Famous Mothers

COLUMBUS' MOTHER:
"I don't care what you've discovered,
you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO' S MOTHER:
"Can't you paint on walls like other children?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to
get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER:
"All right, if you aren't hiding your report card
inside your jacket, take your hand out of
there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just
wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER:
"I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school,
but I would like to know how he got a
better grade than you."

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER:
"The next time I catch you throwing money across
the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the
electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER:
"I don't care where you think you have to go,
young man, midnight is past your curfew."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER:
"But it's your senior picture.
Can't you do something about your hair?
OY! Styling gel, mousse, something... ?"

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

Mix #1 from today i will starting numbering

2009-05-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

TEACHER NE MONU SE KAHA-
"MONU, IS BAR TUMHE 80% ANK LANE HAI."
MONU BOLA- "SIR, IS BAAR MAI 80% NAHI 100%
ANK LAUNGA."
TEACHER BADA HAIRAN HUA- "TUM KYO
MAJAK KAR RAHE HO."
MONU NE KAHA- "PAHLE MAJAK SHURU
KISNE KIYA THA ?"

************ ********* ********* ****

TEACHER NE MONTU SE PUCHHA-
"MONTU TUM AAJ PHIR SCHOOL LATE AAYE HO.
KAB UTHTE HO?"
MONTU NE JAWAB DIYA- "JI, SONE KE BAAD."
SHERU UNCLE NE ARPITA SE KAHA -
"ARPITA AAJ TO CHAY PINE KA MAJA AA GAYA."
ARPITA NE KAHA- "UNCLE JI, AGAR BILLI NE
DUDH ME MUH NA MARA HOTA TO AUR BHI
MAJA AATA."

************ ********* ********* ****

EK VYAKTI NE EK BACHCHE SE PUCHHA-
"KYO MUNNE, TUMHARI MATAJI ITNI MASHAHUR
HEROIN HOKAR HER DIN APNE PATI SE LADTI
RAHTI HAI.
MAI TUMHARE PITAJI SE MILANA CHAHTA HU,
KYA NAAM HAI UNKA?"
BACHCHA BOLA- "MAI KYA JANU, ISI BAAT PAR
DONO JAGDATE RAHTE HAI."

************ ********* ********* ****

EK AADAMI HAKLA THA.
KISI NE USASE PUCHHA- "KYA AAP HAKLATE HAI?"
"JI NAHI, SIRF BOLTE WAQT."
HAKLE NE JAWAB DIYA.

************ ********* ********* ****

DOCTOR NE MARIJ SE PUCHHA-
"AAPKO KYA SHIKAYAT HAI?"
MARIJ NE BATAYA- "DOCTOR SAHAB,
HAI KHATA HU TO MUJE NIND AA JATI HAI."
DOCTOR NE SUJHAV DIYA- "TO AAP AISA KIYA KIJIYE,
PAHLE SO LIYA KIJIYE AUR PHIR KHANA KHAYA KIJIYE."

************ ********* ********* ****

EK DOST DUSRE DOST SE APANI PATNI KI
DHOKHE BAJI KE BARE ME BATATE HUE BOLA-
"MAI KUCHH DINO KE LIYE BAHAR GAYA THA -
AUR JAB MAI GHAR AAYA TO MAINE APNI PATNI
KO APNE HI DOST KE SATH BADROOM ME DEKHA,
JABKI MAINE USE APNE LAUTNE KA SMS BHI BHEJA
THA, TUM HI BATAO, ISE KYA KAHENGE?"
DUSRA DOST BOLA- "YAHI KI SHAYAD USE
TUMHARA SMS NAHI MILA."

************ ********* ********* ****

EK BAHUT MOTE AADAMI KO SCOOTER
KI HALKI SI TAKKAR LAG GAI.
WAH SCOOTER CHALAK PAR BIGADKAR BOLA –
"KYO BE, THODA-SA BACHKAR NAHI CHAL SAKTA THA?"
"KYA KARU.... PETROL BAHUT MAHENGA HAI....
ITNA LAMBA CHAKKAR KAHA TAK KATATAA?"
SCOOTER CHALAK NE KAHA.

************ ********* ********* ****

PREMI NE PREMIKA SE VIVAH KI
ANUMATI MANGI.
PREMIKA NE PUCHHA- "OH, KYA TUMNE
YE SHABD PAHLE BHI KISI LADKI SE KAHE THE?"
PREMI BOLA- "TUMHARA MATALAB HAI KI
PAHLI BAAR HI SUNDAR DHANG SE KAH
SAKTA HU?"

************ ********* ********* ****

ADYAPAK NE KAHA-
"SURESH, SIDDH KARO KI VASTU
GARMI PAKAR FAILATI HAI?"
SURESH NE JAWAB DIYA-
"GARMIYO ME CHHUTTIYA FAILKAR DO
MAAS KI TATHA SARDIYO ME SIKUD KAR
SIRF DAS DIN KI RAH JATI HAI.

************ ********* ********* ****

BETE NE MAA SE PUCHHA-
"MUMMY, HAMARA BAHAR WALA
FULDHAN AGAR KOI TOD DE
TO TUM KYA KAROGI?"
MUMMY NE KAHA - "MAI US
HARAMJADE KI HADDIYA TOD DUNGI.
BETA BOLA - "TO TAIYAR HO JAO.
PAPA PHULDAAN TODKAR HI AA RAHE HAI."

************ ********* ********* ****

SUBHASH NE PUCHHA-
"TUM MERI BAAT SUNOGE?"
DINESH NE KAHA - "KYO NAHI,
BASART WAH LEN - DEN KI NA HO."

************ ********* ********* ****

TEACHER- "EK BACHCHA MEJ KE
UPAR BAITHA HAI AUR DO BACHCHE
MEJ KE NICHE.
BATAO KUL KITNE BACHCHE HAI?"
CHHATRA- "JI, 1 BATA 2"

************ ********* ********* ****

TEACHER- "YADI KISI KA JANM 1900
ME HUA HO TO USKI AAYU KYA HOGI?"
CHHATRA- "PAHLE YAH BATAIYE KI
WAH MARD HAI YA AURAT?"

************ ********* ********* ****

SHAHRUKH KHAN KA BAHUWACHAN KYA HAI?'
"ICICI BANK."
"KAISE?"
SHAHRUKH KAHTE HAI - "MAI HU NA."
ICICI BANK KAHTA HAI - "HAM HAI NA."

************ ********* ********* ****

PREMIKA- "PRIYE ! HUM DONO KI
ZINDGI ME AAJ KA DIN SABSE JYADA
KHUSHI KA DIN HAI."
PREMI- "PAR HAMARI SHADI
TO KAL HO RAHI HAI."
PREMIKA- "ISILIYE TO KAH RAHI HU."

************ ********* ********* ****

MAKE-UP ME LIPI-PUTI MAHILA KO
DEKHKAR BHIKHARI NE KAHA-
MADAM, 4 DIN SE MAINE KUCH
NAHI KHAYA HAI."
MAHILA NE BADE GAUR SE
USE DEKHA AUR BOLI-
"GAJAB KI WILL POWER HAI TUMHARI.
MAI TO DIATING KE LIYE BHI
BHUKHI NAHI RAH PATI."

************ ********* ********* ****

CHAPRASI- "SAHAB, AAPKE JIGARI
DOST KA PHONE AAYA THA."
SAHAB- "TUMNE KAISE JANA KI
WAH MERA JIGARI DOST HI HAI?"
CHAPRASI- "SAHAB, USNE KAHA
THA KI JARA DEKHO TO OFFICE
ME WAH BEVKUPH AAYA HAI YAA NAHI?"

************ ********* ********* ****

TEACHER- SCHOOL KA HOMEWORK
JISNE NAHI KIYA HAI, WAH SAJA
PANE KE LIYE TAIYAR HO JAO."

EK CHHATRA- "SAR, KYA KISI KO AISE
KAAM KE LIYE SAJA DI JA SAKTI HAI,
JO USNE KIYA HI NAHI HO?"

Happy Birthday Message

2009-05-08T06:57:00.001-07:00

Wishing you not just a smile but laughter,
Not just happiness but joy,
Not just riches but wealth,
And most of all love and peace of mind.

"Happy Birthday"

************ ********* ******

Life is very short,
So enjoy every moment,
Don't lose your confidence
Go always ahead.

Happy Birthday

************ ********

My wishes are silent but true,

Every where they will follow you,

Luck is urs, wishes are mine,

I wish ur present and future will always shine.
***Happy Birhday***
************ ********* ********* **
I know its your birthday 2day..
I am sure you'll give me treat in a big hotel..
so i shall talk to u in personal there,
coz i dunno to express my feelings in SMS"
************ ********* ********* **
Flying papers,
multi colours of balloon,
delicated blossom,
fantastic people,
love and laughter.
What it describes? HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
************ ********* ********* **
I'm so blessed 2 have a friend like u
This comes with many
Loving thoughts & warm wishes
I send 2 u,
May ur day be filled with laughter
On this ur special day & may the finest things
In life always come
Ur way happy birthday!
************ ********* ********* **
if kisses were rain id send u showers,
if fun was time id send u hrs,
if u needed a friend id send u me!
*Happy Birthday To You Sweetheart*
************ ********* ********* **

I’M your Devil (Heart Break SMS)

2009-05-08T06:22:00.001-07:00

Apni Aakhon Ke Samunder Main Utar Jaane De
Tera Mujrim Hoon, Mujhe Dub Ke Mar Jaane De
Zakham Kitne Teri Chaahat Se Mile Hain Mujhko
Sonchta Hoon Kahoon Tujhse, Magar Jaane De

............ ......... ................

Aarzoo jhooth hai,
Aarzoo ka fareb khana nahi ..
Khush jo rahna ho zindagi me tumhe..
Dil kabhi kisi se lagana nahi.

............ ......... ................

Ek pal mein jo aakar gujar jaaye
Yeh hawa ka woh jhoka hai ..aur kuch nahi
Pyar kahti hai duniya jise,
Ek rangeen dhokha hai .. Aur kuch nahi

............ ......... ................

Asmaan bhi baras raha hai,
Mere Ashko se takra raha hai,
Kisme hai jor jyada shayad yeh dekh raha hai,
Barsaat to phir bhi ruk jayegi,
Mere Ashko ka koi anth nahi,
Dil me hai dard itne jiska koi hisaab nahi.

Old Jokes Collection so FUNNY

2009-05-08T06:15:00.001-07:00

teacher:what do you call person who cannot hear anything
studant:you can call him any thing,because he cannot hear anything.

************ ********* *********

mil gaya,oye hoye mil gaya, balle balle mil gaya, dhinchak dhincak koi mil gaya, apna sara kaam chhos kar fizool ka SMS parnewaala ek aur BEWAKUFF!! mil gaya.

************ ********* *********

why women live a better, longer & peacefull life?
because women dont have a wife...

************ ********* *********

church ke gate par likha tha:jo paap kar k thak gaye wo meri sharan me aaye,
ek callgirl ne niche apna mibile no. likh diya:aur jo nahi thake wo meri sharan me aaye..

************ ********* *********
ladkiya kadko k saamne aane k baad hi kyu apna dupatta thik karti hai
kyunki, lutero ko dekhne k baad hi apni dolat ki hifazat ka khayal aata hai..

************ ********* *********

ek gujju ka sapne me kisi ne rape kar diya
next day us ne apna bank account band karva diya
kuonki, bank me likha tha: ham aap k sapno ko haqiqat me badal denge..

************ ********* *********

baap: beta mene tumhare liye ek ladki dhundhi hai
wo roopvati, gunvati aur sarasvati hai..
beta:lekin me kisi aur ladki se pyaar karta hu
aur wo GARBHVATI hai..

************ ********* *********

* Gal to Banta: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?
Banta: Kyon nahin? Mein to diwana hoon shadi-shuda aurton ka

Funny Facts (if u hate u garduens speech show them it)

2009-05-03T04:56:00.001-07:00

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

*********

To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

*********

The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

*********r

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

*********

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

*********

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.

*********

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

*********

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich.. Which never works.

*********

If at first you don't succeed.. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

*********

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

*********

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

*********

42.7% of all statisticsare made on the spot.

*********

If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.

*********

If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

*********

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

*********

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.

*********

The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.

*********

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

*********

Aap Itrate Bahaut Ho

2009-05-03T04:53:00.001-07:00

Aap itraate bahut ho dil ko behlate bahut ho,
Sochte hai apko Dinner per le jaye,
Par kya kare hamara iraada badal jaata hai,
Kyunki aap khate bahut ho...!!
............ ......... ......... ......... .....

Apki 'smile' ne saara jahan hila diya,
Apki 'smile' ne saara jahan hila diya,
COMA se jaage huye mareez ko permanently sula diya.
............ ......... ......... ......... .....

Ladka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai
"Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai"
............ ......... ......... ......... .....

Santa to doctor : Dr: when i sleep monkeys play football in my dream..
Dr:no problem just take this medicine before sleep.
Santa: kal se loonga aaj raat ko final hai.

........... ......... ......... ......... .....

Very Nice Forward it to All Your FRINEDS

2009-05-03T04:51:00.001-07:00

ManZil Tum Chuno

Raste Hum Denge

Lafz Tum DO

Geet Hum Banayenge

Khush Tum Raho

Khushiya Hum Denge

Aap Bus DOST Raho

Dosti Hum Nibhayenge.!

Aap Dur Gaye Intzar kiya,

Aap Paas aye feel kiya,

Aap rooth gaye razi kiya,

Aap yaad aaye Mis kiya,

Jub miss kiya sms kiya,

Ek baat batao ? ? ?

Subkuch Maine kiya to aapne kya kiya ?

When I born, there was heavy rain

Do u know why ? ? ? ?

Because sky & Stars are crying

4 loosing a cute star,

But u all r Lucky 2 have this cute star as ur

* F.R.I.E.N.D *

Kyu tere sandeshe muje nahi aate,

Tumhe Jab pata hai hum tum bin reh nahi pate,

Aadat hai u bhool jane ki ya kuch aur wajah hai,

Apne kabhi apno ko u nahi satate..

Tumsa koi doosra Zameen par hua,

To Rub se Shikayat Hogi…

Ek toh jhella nahi jaata,

Dusra aa gaya toh kya halat hogi !!!

Eye of GOD (भगवान की नजर से कहाँ बचोगे

2009-05-01T09:42:00.001-07:00

Dear All:

This photo is a very rare one, taken by NASA. This kind of event occurs once in 3000 years.
This photo has done miracles in many lives.
Make a wish ... you have looked at the eye of God.
Surely you will see the changes in your life within a day.
Whether you believe it or not, don't keep this mail with you.
Pass this at least to 7 persons.
God bless you.

This is a picture NASA took with the hubble telescope.
Called "The Eye of God".
Too awesome to delete. It is worth sharing .

During the next 60 seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take this opportunity.
(Literally it is only One minute!)

God loves you and watches over you every day.

Just send this to people and see what happens. Do not break this, please.

Living or Ginding

2009-04-28T10:30:00.001-07:00

Whatever you give away today,
or think or say or do
will multiply about tenfold
and then return to you.

***********************************

It may not come immediately,
nor from the obvious source
but the law applies unfailingly,
through some invisible force.

***********************************

Whatever you feel about another,
be it love or hate or passion
will surely bounce right back to you
in some clear (or secret) fashion

**************************************

If you speak about some person,
a word of praise or two,
soon, tens of other people
will speak kind words of you.

***********************************

Our thoughts are broadcasts of the soul,
not secrets of the brain.
Kind ones bring us happiness;
petty ones, untold pain.

**********************************

Giving works as surely
as reflections in a mirror.
If hate you send, hate you'll get back,
but loving brings love nearer.

*****************************************

Remember, as you start this day
and duty crowds your mind,
that kindness comes so quickly back
to those who first are kind.

**********************************************

Let that thought and this one
direct us through each day.
The only things we ever keep
are the things we give away.

5People U Know

2009-04-27T10:28:00.001-07:00

5 great people:
1.Bapu
Woh to ab rahe nahi
2.Wasim Akram
Woh kisi kaam ka nahi
3.Aishwarya Rai
Apni pohanch say bahir
4.baqi rahe aap aur hum
So keep in Touch

************ ********* ********* ******

1+1=2 eyes look at u...
12+12=24 hours thinking about u...
3+4=7 days in week missing u...
1+11=12 months I always need A SWEET PERSON like U.

************ ********* ********* ******

Dur na jaaya karo dil tadap jaata hai
Tere hi khayalon me din guzar jaata hai
Aaj puchha hai dil ne ek sawal tumse
Kya dur rehker tumko bhi hamara khayal ata hai

************ ********* ********* ********* **

MISSING U IS NOT A GAME 2 PLAY
MISSING U IS NOT A WORD 2 SAY
MISSING U DOES NOT START IN APRIL AND END IN MAY
MISSING U IS A PAINTHAT I FEEL EVERY DAY......... .......!

************ ********* ********* ******

Good Morning Thought

2009-04-25T10:18:00.001-07:00

Start you day with good thought

If you want something you never had, do something you have never done.

Don't go the way life takes you.
Take life the way you want to go .

And remember you are born to live and
Not living because you are born.

Aao Aaj IS SHARAB ko

2009-04-25T10:17:00.001-07:00

sharab sharir ko khatam karti hai
sharab samaj ko khatam karti hai
aao aaj is sharab ko khatam karte hai
ek botal tum khatam karo ek hum khatam karte hai.

............ ......... ..................... .

Dil mein ek dard liye jiye ja raha hoon,
Teri mohabbat ka jaam piye ja rahan hoon,

Na chahte huye bhi ye kaam kiye jaa raha hoon,
Na jane khud ko kaun si manzil par liye ja raha hoon.

............ ......... ..................... .

Doodh Mein Uria, Mineral Water Mein Castic Soda,

Pepsi Aur Coke Mein Pesticide, Yani Pani Wani Bhi Kharab,

Ab Hum Kya Kare, Pure Bachi Bhi Hai To Sirf Yeh Sharab..

............ ......... ..................... .

Botal Chupa dena kafan mein meri
Shamshan mein piya karunga

Jab mangega hisab khuda ;
To use bhi peg bana kar diya karunga...

Rab Se Shikayat

2009-04-25T02:44:00.001-07:00

Tumsa koi doosra zameen par hua,
Toh Rab se shikayat hogi....

Ek toh jhella nahi jaata,
Doosra aa gaya to kya halat hogi!!!

............ . ......... ...................

Propose karne ka sher:

Kutta mar gaya rajaai mein,
Main paagal ho gaya teri judaai mein
Haathi nadi mein beh nahin sakta,Apun tere bina reh nahin sakta...

............ . ......... ...................

1 admi ke paas 1 kauwa tha
Wo bahut naram-mulayam tha
To aadmi uska naam kya rakhega ?
.@
:-C
:'(
:)
;-)
:-)
My-Crow-Soft !

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What is the diff. Between dava & daru?

Ans: Dava is like girlfriend that comes with expiry date.
Daru is like WIFE, jitni PURANI hogi UTNA sir CHAD ke bolegi...

GURU Mix JOKES

2009-04-21T23:39:00.000-07:00

Bacho, batao ke billi 1 sath itne
sare bache kaise paida karti hai?
Kid: Mam agar aap road pe billi ki tarah ghumo to apko pata chal
jayega.

Positive-thinking poem:
Little bird in d sky Dropping shit into ur eye.
U don't worry u don't cry U just thank
God that cows do not fly....

Thought of the day:
"if u help a gal when she is in problem,
she wil always remember u only when she is in problem again..!!"

Child: Mom is bar hum sare patakhe is shop se lenge.
Mom: lekin beta ye to girls hostel hai.
Child: Papa to kehte hain k sari phul-jhadiyan yahi rehti hai.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

DiL k jhakhmo Ko unse chupana pada,
palke bhigi thi par muskrana pada,
kaise ulte hai mohabbat ke ye riwaz?
Ruthna chahte the hum par unko manana pada.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

Dosti shayad zindgi hoti he,
Jo har dilme basi hoti he,
Waise to ji lete he sabi akele magar,
Phir b zarurat inki har kisiko hoti he.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

Aaj dur se hi koi salam kar gaya ,
apni yaado ka gulam kar gaya ,
apni zindagi girvi rakh kar kharida tha jise,
aj wo hi hume nilaam kar gaya .
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

Santa : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but it starts with "T".
Santa : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai.
Hamaari gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

Judge: why are you arrested?
Thief: for shopping early?
Judge: well, thats not a crime,
anyway how early were you shopping?
Thief: before opening the shop…..

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
In your life time 6 things can come at any time :-
1) Love
2) Friendship
3) Money
4) Illness
5) Death
6) Susu :- Isliye karke Sona
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******

DHAMAKEDHAR RAJKOTI HINDI JOKES

2009-04-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

Hi Friend
Aaj aapke lie aap ko aur aapke friends ko
hasane ke lie Ganesh Ji ke friend Satish Ji
Laye hai Dhamakedar Rajokti hindi jokes
************ ********* ***
Conductor ek a student ko kaheta hai-
tu hamesha door khade rehte hai tera baap watchman hai kya
Studen:tu hmse chillr puchta he tere baap BHIKARI he kya?
************ ********* ***
Santa-Yaar koi aisa kaam bata jis me jyada profit ho?
Banta:Aisa kar sardiyon me sasti Baraf leker garmiyon mebech dal.
************ ********* ***
Pati aur patni mandir me gaye
Pati ne pucha-tumne kya manga?
Patni ne kaha-Aap aur main saat janam saath rahe.
Patni-Aur aapne kya manga?
Pati-Ye hamara satwan janam ho.
************ ********* ***
Banta: Tumne apni patni ko birthday par
Diamond ring kiyon di?
Voh to car chahti thi na?
Santa: Par mein nakali car kahan se le ke ata?

Tell Me You Love Me

2009-04-06T18:11:00.000-07:00

Where do I start?
How do I begin?
To tell you how much
I never want this to end
Why you burn in my mind
And fill up my soul
How you live in my heart
And keep living from taking its toll
I need you more today
Than I ever have before
Every time I touch you
I love you all the more
No one can ever take your place
Or do the things you do
Nothing pleases me more
Than loving the essence of you
Tell me you love me
By looking into my eyes
Say that you want me
By whispering your sighs
Ask me to love you
By the gentleness of your kiss
Tell me you love me
Your love I truly miss.

THANKS Giving..

2009-04-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

It is impossible to feel grateful and depressed

in the same moment.In each of our lives,

for whatever reason,

there are times that we are faced with things

that just don't make sense to us.

And the more we struggle to understand our hardships,

the less any of it makes sense.

I have found that in every challenge and obstacle

that we are faced with there ~~~ can ~~~ be good

that can come from it!

While it's almost never easy to identify,

I assure you that it is in there,

lying dormant just waiting for us to release it!

I urge everyone to spend your days looking for positives in your life.

Just be grateful and you can't be depressed.

What positives have you given thanks for today?

Giving thanks is an essential part of positive thinking,

and therefore contributes much to the art of living.

There is so much to be thankful for!

Today I would like to say . . .

~~~ For being YOU ~~~

"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves" Blessings and Sweet S M I L E S Wishing you a Blissful Day .

Faisala

2009-04-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

Tere sath zindagi bitani hai,
Tu kya janega ye aaj ki nahi badi purani hai,
tere liye ye jaha chod diya hai,
faisala ab tere hatho main haijine ki kwahish to ab hame nahi hai ab doli maine nahi arthi pe jana hai

INSULT A BODY

2009-04-05T10:08:00.000-07:00

How to catch a squirrel?Climb up a tree and just be yourself. Squirrels will come to you on their own. Because they just love NUTS .
............ . ......... ............ ......... .....
Arz kiya hai:I am a dog and u r a flower,Gaur farmaiega I am a dog and u r a flower,So let me lift my leg n give u a shower!
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Ansoo tere nikale to aankhein meri ho,Dil tera dhadke to dhadkan meri ho,Khuda kare ki apni dosti itni gehari ho,Baap tu bane aur Mehanat meri ho!
............ . ......... ............ ......... .....
Shaam hote hii ye Dil udaas hota hai, Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai, Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai,Bandar jab koi pass hota hai.

Haste haste

2009-04-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

Seh liya har dard humne haste haste'Ujd gaya ghar mera yaaro baste baste'Ab wafa kare to kis se kare yaaro'Wafa karne gaye to bewafa hi mile raste raste..
............ ......... ......... ......... .....
Baja to main bhi sakta tha, par mera saaz tha bevafa.Gaa to main bhi sakta tha, par mera raag tha bevafa.Aye shenshah apne tajmahal par itna guman na kar, Bana to main bhi sakta tha, par meri mumtaz thi bevafa.
............ ......... ......... ......... .....

Zaroori to nahin jeene ke liye sahara ho Zaroori to nahin hum jinke hain vo hamara hoKuch Kashtiyaan doob bhi jaati hain...Zaroori to nahin ke har Kashti ka koi kinara ho....
............ ......... ......... ......... .....
SAPNO KI TARAH AAKAR CHALE GAYE APNO KO BHULA KAR CHALE GAYEKIS BHOOL KI SAZA DI AAPNE HAME,PEHLE HASAYA, FIR RULA KAR CHALE GAYE
............ ......... ......... ......... .....

JAB UNSE DOORI HO TO

2009-04-02T06:57:00.000-07:00

Dard se hath na milate to kya karte,
Gum ke Aansu na bahate to kya karte,
Kisi ne mangi thi humse Roshani,
Hum khud ko na jalate to kya karte ? ?
Mere Dil ke Zakhm ab aah nahi bharte,
Kyon ki who ab is Dil mein raha nahi karte,
Humne ansoon se unko Bidaai di hai,
In ankhon main ab ashq raha nahi karte.! ! !
Tuje Ansu bhari who Dua mile
Jise Kabhi na inkar khuda kare,
Tuje Hasrat Na Rahe Kabhi Jannat ki
Tere Aangan mein Mohabbaton ki aisi hawa chale…
Chale gaye ho Dur kuch pal ke liye,
Dur rehkar bhi karib ho har pal ke liye,
Kaise yaad na aaye aapki ek pal ke liye,Jab Dil mein ho aap harpal ke liye…

INBOX FULL 4 JOKES

2009-03-31T08:47:00.000-07:00

Bas kar yaar, mera pura inbox full ho gaya hai tere sms se..........
..
.
.
.
.
Ye prayas hai mujhe SMS NA KARNE WALE LOGO K LIYE "GANDHIGIRI" se samjhane ka tarika.

............ . ......... ..................... .
A New Teacher Joins school

He Finds Two Boys Similar In Appearance.

Teacher asks - "kya TUM Judva ho.??

Boy-: jee nahi..Hum Padosi hain

............ . ......... ..................... .
BHAKT - Bhagwan mujhe wardan do ki mai marne ke bad phir zinda ho sakun.

BANGWAN- Ye mere bas ki bat nahi hai putra, ye sirf Ekta Kapoor kar sakti hai.

............ . ......... ..................... .

Never Blame A Day

2009-03-31T08:27:00.000-07:00

Never Blame A Day In Your Life.
Good Days Give You Happiness.
Bad Days Give You Experience.

Both Are Essential In Life. All Are Gods' Blessings..
Good Morning..

............ . ......... ..................
If you see some one without a smile,

Give him one of yours,

Because you are among a few good people Who can shine others life by just walking with him a few miles.

............ . ......... ..................
Five steps to a LOVELY MORNING
Close your eyes,
Take a deep breath,
Open your arms wide,
Feel your heart beat and say its too early.
Let me sleep again. Good Morning. "

............ ......... ..................
Gooooood Daaaaay